My birthday is coming up this week and I have absolutely nothing planned for it yet. Not because of a lack of friends (I don’t think) but because I haven’t really given it much thought at all. Having my newly found sense of Internet adventure, I have decided to leave it up to you what I will do on my birthday. I will choose from one of the thousands (less than 10) of suggestions from my legions of friends (also less than 10) to determine my itinerary. Up until now these were the possible choices:
- Play Scrabble (on Facebook) – Scrabulous, may you rest in peace especially since you left us with this piece of shit new Scrabble application. Why did you guys have to get greedy and want so much money? No way I am going to play your new suck ass tile game because it bores me. Now spending my birthday surfing a social network playing online games with my virtual friends will not be nearly as exciting as it could have been.
- Go to a bar and drink – Not the best idea in the world for someone who is trying to become more responsible. Who am I kidding? It’s not the best idea in the world for the guy who ended up passed out on the floor of a bar having to be taken home by a bartender after he puked blood in the parking lot the last time he really went out in his hometown. Believe me it makes for a great story, but it doesn’t make for a great state of being the following day.
- Stay at home in bed – This sounds like the safe bet, especially when you factor in my growing agoraphobic behavior. However, I know how the night will eventually end. I’ll be listening to sad bastard music (and/or screamo) which will lead to me crying myself to sleep after I use my own tears for a lubricant. Basically ending like every other night so it wouldn’t be anything special.
- Catch a movie – Fun times often follow me when I treat myself to the best company possible – myself. Catching a movie at the local cinema with a nice classy dinner from Taco Bell afterward sounds really tempting. Few people like to hear themselves talk as much as I do, and as luck would have it I love talking about myself as well. It’s a match made in awesome.
- Report to mini camp – Though I thought my professional career was over, I have decided to come out of retirement and attend Green Bay Packer’s camp. If they are willing to give people $25 million to stay home, they’ll be willing to give me a couple hundred once they see how terrible I am.
As you can see I really don’t have any clue as to what I am going to do, so if you read this blog I really need your help. I will be in Birmingham so please mention any special events if you know of any. If you have never left a comment before because you think your answers won’t be decent this is the perfect place to start. I NEED YOUR HELP. There are specific people I am referring to who read the blog but never comment. People I don’t want to mention by name Sarah. Make it happen. List 5 ways I should spend my birthday.
Tags: Birthday, Brett Favre, Drunk, Facebook, Masturbation, Movie, Scrabble, Tears, Vomit
August 3, 2008 at 8:16 pm
So you said you knew what one would be but did you know what all five would be?
1. Come see me.
2. Come see me.
3. Come see me.
4. Come see me.
5. Come see me and Jes.
Just kidding!
1. Journey with Cheap Trick August 9th, I know it’s a concert but it gives you a chance to come up with more things 80’s songs taught you.
2. Two words: Kare Oke!!
3. Go Swing dancing – http://www.birminghamswingdancers.com
4. Sidewalk Salon
http://www.sidewalkfilm.org
“Scheduled the first Tuesday of the month, Sidewalk Salons provide an opportunity for Birmingham’s filmmaking community to meet, greet, listen and discuss. Guest speakers and topics provide a focus to each meeting,” Who knows, you might just find someone to do your movie!
5. Sorry gotta do it! Come see me in Louisville!
August 3, 2008 at 9:07 pm
1. Play Scrabble with me on Facebook
2. Come over to the G-Unit mansion and enjoy some quality Teddy time. Oh, and you can hang out with the residents of said mansion
3. Go out with friends who will make sure you won’t pass out on the floor of the bar and will make sure you get fed, which will probably stave off the puking blood. Roach.
4. Watch a movie with some friends, namely Sara and I.
5. You’re on your own at mini-camp. I can play you my Winston Cup 2003 Highlights DVD here at the manse – I mean if you’re looking for some sports action, that is.
August 4, 2008 at 12:39 am
I’d go with number 5 myself.
You could also-
Go to a park
Go to Chuckie Cheese
Go to your parents house
Go kill a Roach (really ironic)
Call me and we’ll hang out.
August 4, 2008 at 10:05 am
1.) Watch your first episode of Dora the Explorer
2.) Watch the Professional ALL DAY LONG and drink milk (soy for you) like Leon.
3.) Go to Buffalo Wild Wings and have a drink or two and some wings w/ me and D.
4.) Go to Tuscaloosa and crash Alabama’s practice.
5.) Come to work for me so I can stay home.
LOL
August 4, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Get lit and do something crazy enough to get you committed and/or arrested:
1.) Race your shadow.
2.) Pretend to have a heart attack in a public place.
3.) Go to a restaurant and play “Duck, Duck, Goose” with the table next to you.
4.) Lick the floor at your grocery store and loudly proclaim “The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!”
5.) Repeatedly slap a stranger’s backside while yelling “Tell me you like it, or I’ll stop!”
August 4, 2008 at 7:40 pm
To do on your birthday:
1. Get a group of people together and have them list five things they love about Roach.
2. List five of your favorite ingredients (food, spices, etc.) and get someone to cook you dinner using all of the ingredients. Eat said dish.
3. List five of your biggest fears and conquer one. Or five things you want to do before next year’s birthday and do one of them. (It’s never too early to get started!)
4. List five of your favorite drinks and go wild! Actually, scratch that. You can have a birthday drink or two, but not so many that you’ll be puking by the end of the night. You’re a year older — you’re supposed to be wiser, right?
5. Stop reading lists, step away from the computer, and have fun!
August 5, 2008 at 12:01 am
1. Pick up a phone and call your Semi-Circle of Self Confidence Brethren
2. Get a real job – Sorry, but I figured you could use your “I studied Marketing line” to get a book deal, sell a Cadilac, or transcribe some notes.
3. Defecate on an Piano – I hear this was a life changing event for you the first time. Maybe this time around you could place a canvas under the strings and sell your dried poo as art.
4. Blow up a microwave – This time just don’t put nails in with the CDs.
5. Watch the entire series of Arrested Development – I think the 3 seasons could be done in a day. Sit around in your panties with a Sprite and some Rock Candy and have at it.
August 7, 2008 at 12:44 am
1. find out why you throw up blood- ask around. doesn’t have to be a doctor. could be random dudes in a bar. hell, they’ve probably been there. and telling strangers “hi, i throw up blood. beat that you tanked bitches,” seems like a good way to make friends.
2. buy a venus fly trap and a plane ticket – the point is not where you go, it’s how much fun you’ll have punching the stewardess button every five minutes and consistently blaming the carnivorous plant sitting next to you.
3. try picking the pockets of hot girls – my friend kept getting arrested for that, but he’s not as quick as you. and I think you’d have much more success with the excuse “I just wanted to hear you scream.”
4. dress up like insane clown posse and head for an old folk’s home – they’ll appreciate the adrenaline rush. oh, and hand out $5 McDonald’s gift certificates. geriatrics love that shit.
5. give a hand job to a sea cow- it’d make him forget for a short time that he lives in captivity. and when people ask why you did it, say “because the make a wish foundation owed me.” then they’ll feel sorry for you for having a life-threatening medical condition and they’ll send you get well cards and cookies and flowers, essentially pampering you for jacking off a manatee.
August 13, 2008 at 1:06 am
ENJOY,ENJOY AND ENJOY.