Roach08

To save you some time here is a quick overview of what Roach ’08 is all about. Yes I am really running for Vice-President of the United States, yes I want you to write me in as a candidate, no I don’t expect to win, yes I will throw the country a pizza party if I get one percent of the popular vote, yes there are things you can do to help, no this isn’t a joke. Well…yeah, it kinda is, but I am totally serious about getting your vote.

WHY?
Perhaps the better question is why not? Politics have always interested me and I figure this is one way for me to become involved in the public discourse. In all honesty this is an idea I came up to try and get people to pay attention to the issues rather than paying attention to the off-topic bickering that tends to shape some people’s ideas of candidates. Is it also shamelessly promoting my blog? You’re damn right it is (are you new to the site? Stay a while, look around. See if you run into people you know).

HOW WILL THIS GET PEOPLE TO FOCUS ON THE ISSUES?
How is something as silly brilliant as throwing a pizza party for the country any less important than being popular (aren’t you trying to be popular in an election) or being a Washington insider (don’t we want someone with experience to lead)? Yeah, I thought so. My rationale is if I highlight how silly the things politicians focus on, then it is quite possible that one or two people will do some independent research. I know I may have my hopes set a bit high, but there’s always a chance right?

WILL THERE REALLY BE PIZZA?
Indeed. If you write me in as the Vice President in November and I get one percent or more of the popular vote I will throw the country a pizza party. That is what I am running on. Pizza is my platform. All you have to do is write me in on your ballot.

WON’T WRITING YOU IN RUIN MY VOTE FOR MY PREFERRED PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE?
Nope. When you vote you are voting for each position individually. Trust me, there will be enough people who vote for your candidate (even Ralph Nader) to more than make up for you writing me in as VP.

WHAT IF, HEAVEN FORBID, YOU GET ENOUGH VOTES TO BE ELECTED?
It won’t happen. There were over 122 million votes cast in the last Presidential election, and something tells me I will be just shy of the winning margin. But, if you are a worrier and still can’t vote for me have no fear. Technically I can’t be VP anyway because I don’t meet the minimum age requirement. So there. Vote until your heart is content knowing I won’t win.

CAN I VOTE FOR YOU IF YOU AREN’T ABLE TO WIN?
Yep. People vote every election for Mickey Mouse yet for some reason I don’t think he’d be able to serve either.

BACK TO THE IMPORTANT ISSUE. WHAT’S WITH THE PIZZA?
Do you recall being younger and having the possible prize of a pizza party enable you to do things you never thought possible? Sell 400,000 candy bars and win your class a pizza party! This mentality still exists once you get to the workplace as well. I have been at jobs where our reward for something has been a pizza party. Why not continue the trend? We need something (other than the Olympics) to bring us together as a nation and say “Hey, what I really need is some free pizza!” This is that thing.

More answers to come soon. Have questions? Put them in the comments and I will answer them.

5 Responses to “Roach08”

  1. Jennifer Says:

    pizza party for the nation?! how will you fund such an incredible feat?

  2. mikeray Says:

    Let me know Roach and I will see if I can get The University to pay for a Pizza Party one more time, but ‘Steve’ is not invited.

  3. TonyGrenade Says:

    Fuck-it I’m down. I’ll write you in on my absentee ballot from Dubai.

  4. Jennifer Says:

    i’ll CONSIDER writing you in from ireland, also.

  5. lena Says:

    Obama and Roach? He is lookin’ for a vice president, you know.


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