Archive for the 'Bodily Function' Category

Halloween memories.

December 17, 2008

What month is this? Well hell, it seems as if my college football addiction has led to me neglecting lists. What’s sad about it is the fact that I actually outsourced this entry and STILL am only just posting it. That’s what happens when the one team I root for above all others is doing better than they have in my adult lifetime. Enough football talk here is a list Bess came up with:

  1. When I got to be Zorro – good thing, too because until this point, I’d only had two costumes: a witch, and tinfoil (I was a baby. My dad wrapped me in it and told everyone I was a left over).
  2. When mom and I had “the talk” – Mom: Honey, I think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating this year, but we can still have a party.
    Me: But all my friends who would come to the party will be trick-or-treating.
    Mom:  You’re not everybody else.
    Me: Well, yeah. everybody else probably had this talk NOT two days before halloween.

    That last bit is probably an exaggeration.  As much as my mom hates being the bearer of bad news, she wouldn’t wait until the last minute to tell me, basically, “nobody will ever give you free candy again just because you’re dressed weird.”

  3. When Karen and I made a haunted house –  It consisted mostly of black shower curtains taped together and hung in zig-zaggy rows. We put them up in Karen’s basement, and at one entrance we made this chute called ‘the crypt.’  It was a cardboard box we painted black and wrote “crypt” in silver on the sides. Guests were supposed to get in the box, slide down the stairs, and crawl through those fabric and wire collapsible tube things to get to the maze (there was slime and fake spiders and things all along the tube). We dressed in costumes and jumped out and scared people and it was fun. The only really scary thing that happened was when this choad Brock flipped out of the crypt and broke his glasses.  I think he may have cried. Probably. He was a choad.
  4. When I went to a dance –  I think I was in the 7th or 8th grade.  it was also the only Halloween where I rented my costume (a court jester). Unfortunately, nobody told me that middle school are the years when girls start using Halloween as an excuse to dress like sluts. I looked cute, but showed absolutely no skin. Probably why the guy I had a crush on was caught making out with Caroline something-or-other in the boy’s bathroom and not me.
  5. My nephew’s first this year – My brother’s favorite character is Batman.  His son’s favorite thing is a doggie. Sam buys his son a Batman costume. Sam Jr. thinks Batman is a doggie.  Everybody wins.

What are some of my favorite Halloween memories?

2003 –  I met Karen and Dillon out after leaving work when I was told I would have to come in 4 hours earlier than I had planned. How did I respond? By getting so drunk I couldn’t tell people where I lived, had Josh and Liz come and pick me up at 2 in the morning, threw up on the side of my jeep, threw up blood in a bowl at their place, missed work, and eventually ended up in NY that week. Needless to say that was my last day working that job, and the funny part is that Josh and I worked together at the time. Everyone asked him where I was and he played dumb even though I was passed out drunk on his couch.

2006 – Went with Karen and Dillon to a party at her former employer’s house. Before going I checked with Dillon to make sure that it was a costume party. He assured me that I wouldn’t be the only person dressed up. Two round trick or treat buckets on my feet, solid black clothing and shoes, and my head and arms punched through a white kitchen trashbag made up the bulk of my costume that year; however, my headgear is what really brught everything together. It was a skullcap underneath a softball helmet that had a ziploc bag full of handsoap that would ooze out of one of the openings when I would pull it down on my head. All together it made a pretty convincing broken condom. While I was far from the only person dressed up that night, what Dillon failed to tell me was that this wasn’t an adults only party. Fortunately most of the kids had already left by the time I arrived so I didn’t have to explain that I was dressed as they reason some of them were there.

2007 – Hung out with Theresa and went to several different parties. It was pretty relaxed but extremely fun.

2008 – This year I stayed home.

List 5 Halloween memories of yours.


Things you think about at night before you fall asleep.

October 24, 2008

Unlike most people I have nothing that resembles a regular sleep schedule. It happens when it happens and doesn’t sometimes when I want it to. Regardless, my superior intellect allows me to ponder (and sometimes solve) some of the most pressing issues of our time. Hmm…well that’s true if choosing between downloading a movie or a new album. Life or death decisions like that are very important. Here are a few more things I think about as I am slipping off into dreamland. Read the rest of this entry »

Places you enjoy being.

October 24, 2008

Go to your happy place. A saying I have heard before, but have never really undertood what it meant. As simple as the concept is, visit a comforting situation in your mind to gain a certain feeling, it doesn’t resonate with me. Yes there are things in my life that make me happy, but they don’t make me feel like I am in a “happy place.” Most likely because I am a contrary bastard who just doesn’t like the way that saying sounds. When I envision a happy place I think of physical locations. Places that I enjoy being. Read the rest of this entry »

Positive smells ingrained into your mind.

August 13, 2008

Sight, hearing, touching, taste, and smell. Five senses we learned about as children that hopefully stay with us for the duration of our lives. Positive memories are often associated with, and possibly triggered by the sense of smell. For me it is the strongest way for me to remember past events. From the sterile scent of the hospital the first time I received allergy shots to the aroma of the gym on my first day of high school, smelling certain things takes me back to those moments. Don’t get me wrong, in no way are smells limited to positive memories, but for the purpose of this post it is what we will stick with: Read the rest of this entry »

Stories involving urine.

August 8, 2008

Content for the posts has been slipping a bit so here is one with plenty of possibilities. Much like the vomit stories I have enough tales about piss to fill a book by itself; however, I will only limit myself to the following top 5 which will make you understand why people call it being piss drunk (long post warning): Read the rest of this entry »

Stories involving vomit.

June 29, 2008

There is something very telling about where I am in my life when I have an easier time coming up with puke stories than I do with things to be thankful for. Then again, I just have lots of stories involving vomit. Lots. So many in fact, that I could actually turn this into a 2 part series. Stories involving your own vomit and stories involving the vomit of others. Either way here’s my list:

Read the rest of this entry »