Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Halloween memories.

December 17, 2008

What month is this? Well hell, it seems as if my college football addiction has led to me neglecting lists. What’s sad about it is the fact that I actually outsourced this entry and STILL am only just posting it. That’s what happens when the one team I root for above all others is doing better than they have in my adult lifetime. Enough football talk here is a list Bess came up with:

  1. When I got to be Zorro – good thing, too because until this point, I’d only had two costumes: a witch, and tinfoil (I was a baby. My dad wrapped me in it and told everyone I was a left over).
  2. When mom and I had “the talk” – Mom: Honey, I think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating this year, but we can still have a party.
    Me: But all my friends who would come to the party will be trick-or-treating.
    Mom:  You’re not everybody else.
    Me: Well, yeah. everybody else probably had this talk NOT two days before halloween.

    That last bit is probably an exaggeration.  As much as my mom hates being the bearer of bad news, she wouldn’t wait until the last minute to tell me, basically, “nobody will ever give you free candy again just because you’re dressed weird.”

  3. When Karen and I made a haunted house –  It consisted mostly of black shower curtains taped together and hung in zig-zaggy rows. We put them up in Karen’s basement, and at one entrance we made this chute called ‘the crypt.’  It was a cardboard box we painted black and wrote “crypt” in silver on the sides. Guests were supposed to get in the box, slide down the stairs, and crawl through those fabric and wire collapsible tube things to get to the maze (there was slime and fake spiders and things all along the tube). We dressed in costumes and jumped out and scared people and it was fun. The only really scary thing that happened was when this choad Brock flipped out of the crypt and broke his glasses.  I think he may have cried. Probably. He was a choad.
  4. When I went to a dance –  I think I was in the 7th or 8th grade.  it was also the only Halloween where I rented my costume (a court jester). Unfortunately, nobody told me that middle school are the years when girls start using Halloween as an excuse to dress like sluts. I looked cute, but showed absolutely no skin. Probably why the guy I had a crush on was caught making out with Caroline something-or-other in the boy’s bathroom and not me.
  5. My nephew’s first this year – My brother’s favorite character is Batman.  His son’s favorite thing is a doggie. Sam buys his son a Batman costume. Sam Jr. thinks Batman is a doggie.  Everybody wins.

What are some of my favorite Halloween memories?

2003 –  I met Karen and Dillon out after leaving work when I was told I would have to come in 4 hours earlier than I had planned. How did I respond? By getting so drunk I couldn’t tell people where I lived, had Josh and Liz come and pick me up at 2 in the morning, threw up on the side of my jeep, threw up blood in a bowl at their place, missed work, and eventually ended up in NY that week. Needless to say that was my last day working that job, and the funny part is that Josh and I worked together at the time. Everyone asked him where I was and he played dumb even though I was passed out drunk on his couch.

2006 – Went with Karen and Dillon to a party at her former employer’s house. Before going I checked with Dillon to make sure that it was a costume party. He assured me that I wouldn’t be the only person dressed up. Two round trick or treat buckets on my feet, solid black clothing and shoes, and my head and arms punched through a white kitchen trashbag made up the bulk of my costume that year; however, my headgear is what really brught everything together. It was a skullcap underneath a softball helmet that had a ziploc bag full of handsoap that would ooze out of one of the openings when I would pull it down on my head. All together it made a pretty convincing broken condom. While I was far from the only person dressed up that night, what Dillon failed to tell me was that this wasn’t an adults only party. Fortunately most of the kids had already left by the time I arrived so I didn’t have to explain that I was dressed as they reason some of them were there.

2007 – Hung out with Theresa and went to several different parties. It was pretty relaxed but extremely fun.

2008 – This year I stayed home.

List 5 Halloween memories of yours.


Memorable quotes.

October 8, 2008

Reader’s Digest was a staple in my household as a child. There always seemed to be a copy around somewhere, but most importantly there were some in the bathroom. All in a Day’s Work and Life in These United States were my favorites for the most part because I love laughing, but eventually I discovered Quotable Quotes. Teenage me thought it would be a good idea to start collecting quotes for the express purpose of inserting them into conversations to make myself look cultured. I went through tons of back issues scouring them for memorable quotes, compiling them into my central location. A marbled mead notebook. This is pretty much where the story ends. None of the quotes were memorized so it kind of defeated the initial purpose of having them, few, if any, were used in actual conversation, and a grand total of zero made this list: Read the rest of this entry »

Fashion trends from the 80/90’s you’re glad are back.

September 20, 2008

Related Posts

Fashion trends you wish would go away.
Things you learned from 80s rock songs.
Articles of clothing you enjoy wearing.

Things that will make me judge you even if they shouldn’t.

September 18, 2008

In my mind I like to believe that I’m a beacon of hope in this ever expanding sea of intolerance and tumult. Judging people based solely on their aptitude rather that some preconceived notion instilled in me from an early age. Then again, this is the same mind that considers the Hills to be must see TV and has Ramona Quimby Age 8 in the list of top literary works of all time (list forthcoming), so it is obviously a bit off. Just like everyone does, whether they admit it or not, when I find out certain things about you my immediate impression is altered. Depending on how those personal preferences line up with mine, this could be extremely good or extremely bad. This is an unfortunate fault of mine because it’s harder for someone to emerge from under my cloud of suspicion (even if worthy) once I find out certain things regardless of how long I have known them. There are people I’ve known for years who make statements that make me question my friendship with them. Is this wrong? Yes, but at least I can recognize my own bias and am attempting to change it. So here are a few things that I have judged you for if you have exposed them to me: Read the rest of this entry »

Interesting cat videos.

September 18, 2008

This is a totally random post to hold you over until I finish my 1st real entry in a while. Cats are funny, and I miss Buddy so this is my tribute.

  1. This made me smile
  2. This made me laugh. Hard.
  3. This creeped me out.
  4. This was just weird.
  5. This clip makes no sense to me, yet I am still strangely entertained.

More nougaty celebrity twins.

September 17, 2008

Chassi did this video and I didn’t want it to get stuck on the comments page without being seen.

Original celebrity twins separated at birth post.

Ways I’m helping the environment.

September 17, 2008

Celebrity twins separated at birth.

September 16, 2008

Memorable cries you’ve had.

September 15, 2008

In no way are these the only times I have cried in my life (I’m a senstive new aged guy who wears his heart on his sleeve) but these are the ones that stand out to me, and in no way am I ashamed by them.

If you aren’t familiar with the videos at the end and are wondering about them, good. They aren’t safe for work, but they make me laugh so hard that I cry.

Historical figures you’d like to meet.

September 12, 2008

While I took a humorous approach don’t feel as if you have to. I am eagerly anticipating the answer from my friends who  actually teach History, and one who studied it in grad school. Don’t disappoint me. You may recognize the music if you watch Adult Swim.

List 5 historical figures you’d like to meet.