Halloween memories.

What month is this? Well hell, it seems as if my college football addiction has led to me neglecting lists. What’s sad about it is the fact that I actually outsourced this entry and STILL am only just posting it. That’s what happens when the one team I root for above all others is doing better than they have in my adult lifetime. Enough football talk here is a list Bess came up with:

1. When I got to be Zorro – good thing, too because until this point, I’d only had two costumes: a witch, and tinfoil (I was a baby. My dad wrapped me in it and told everyone I was a left over).
2. When mom and I had “the talk” – Mom: Honey, I think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating this year, but we can still have a party.
   Me: But all my friends who would come to the party will be trick-or-treating.
   Mom:  You’re not everybody else.
   Me: Well, yeah. everybody else probably had this talk NOT two days before halloween.

   That last bit is probably an exaggeration.  As much as my mom hates being the bearer of bad news, she wouldn’t wait until the last minute to tell me, basically, “nobody will ever give you free candy again just because you’re dressed weird.”

3. When Karen and I made a haunted house –  It consisted mostly of black shower curtains taped together and hung in zig-zaggy rows. We put them up in Karen’s basement, and at one entrance we made this chute called ‘the crypt.’  It was a cardboard box we painted black and wrote “crypt” in silver on the sides. Guests were supposed to get in the box, slide down the stairs, and crawl through those fabric and wire collapsible tube things to get to the maze (there was slime and fake spiders and things all along the tube). We dressed in costumes and jumped out and scared people and it was fun. The only really scary thing that happened was when this choad Brock flipped out of the crypt and broke his glasses.  I think he may have cried. Probably. He was a choad.
4. When I went to a dance –  I think I was in the 7th or 8th grade.  it was also the only Halloween where I rented my costume (a court jester). Unfortunately, nobody told me that middle school are the years when girls start using Halloween as an excuse to dress like sluts. I looked cute, but showed absolutely no skin. Probably why the guy I had a crush on was caught making out with Caroline something-or-other in the boy’s bathroom and not me.
5. My nephew’s first this year – My brother’s favorite character is Batman.  His son’s favorite thing is a doggie. Sam buys his son a Batman costume. Sam Jr. thinks Batman is a doggie.  Everybody wins.

What are some of my favorite Halloween memories?

2003 –  I met Karen and Dillon out after leaving work when I was told I would have to come in 4 hours earlier than I had planned. How did I respond? By getting so drunk I couldn’t tell people where I lived, had Josh and Liz come and pick me up at 2 in the morning, threw up on the side of my jeep, threw up blood in a bowl at their place, missed work, and eventually ended up in NY that week. Needless to say that was my last day working that job, and the funny part is that Josh and I worked together at the time. Everyone asked him where I was and he played dumb even though I was passed out drunk on his couch.

2006 – Went with Karen and Dillon to a party at her former employer’s house. Before going I checked with Dillon to make sure that it was a costume party. He assured me that I wouldn’t be the only person dressed up. Two round trick or treat buckets on my feet, solid black clothing and shoes, and my head and arms punched through a white kitchen trashbag made up the bulk of my costume that year; however, my headgear is what really brught everything together. It was a skullcap underneath a softball helmet that had a ziploc bag full of handsoap that would ooze out of one of the openings when I would pull it down on my head. All together it made a pretty convincing broken condom. While I was far from the only person dressed up that night, what Dillon failed to tell me was that this wasn’t an adults only party. Fortunately most of the kids had already left by the time I arrived so I didn’t have to explain that I was dressed as they reason some of them were there.

2007 – Hung out with Theresa and went to several different parties. It was pretty relaxed but extremely fun.

2008 – This year I stayed home.

List 5 Halloween memories of yours.

Things you think about at night before you fall asleep.

Unlike most people I have nothing that resembles a regular sleep schedule. It happens when it happens and doesn’t sometimes when I want it to. Regardless, my superior intellect allows me to ponder (and sometimes solve) some of the most pressing issues of our time. Hmm…well that’s true if choosing between downloading a movie or a new album. Life or death decisions like that are very important. Here are a few more things I think about as I am slipping off into dreamland.

Places you enjoy being.

Go to your happy place. A saying I have heard before, but have never really undertood what it meant. As simple as the concept is, visit a comforting situation in your mind to gain a certain feeling, it doesn’t resonate with me. Yes there are things in my life that make me happy, but they don’t make me feel like I am in a “happy place.” Most likely because I am a contrary bastard who just doesn’t like the way that saying sounds. When I envision a happy place I think of physical locations. Places that I enjoy being.

Songs on your media player with the most plays.

It’s easy for me to churn out music inspired lists because I don’t usually have to think about them. For one reason or another (usually a futile attempt at impressing the fairer sex by being a new aged sensitive guy who wears his heart on his sleeve) music has become an extention of my being. Since I have no musical talent at all I find this a bit odd, but I try not to think about it too much. Brains were made for destroying with drugs and alcohol not thinking.

Previous lists have included some of my most played songs so this list will include those songs, but will have additional songs that have not been previously mentioned. This is so you get an accurate reflection of what it is I am listening to, or at least a flash view of my immediate likes. Keep in mind that I have more than 5200 songs in my media player, not to mention many more on CDs I haven’t imported onto my computer.

Memorable quotes.

Reader’s Digest was a staple in my household as a child. There always seemed to be a copy around somewhere, but most importantly there were some in the bathroom. All in a Day’s Work and Life in These United States were my favorites for the most part because I love laughing, but eventually I discovered Quotable Quotes. Teenage me thought it would be a good idea to start collecting quotes for the express purpose of inserting them into conversations to make myself look cultured. I went through tons of back issues scouring them for memorable quotes, compiling them into my central location. A marbled mead notebook. This is pretty much where the story ends. None of the quotes were memorized so it kind of defeated the initial purpose of having them, few, if any, were used in actual conversation, and a grand total of zero made this list:

Ways you acquire news other than by watching tv.

Much has been made about this exchange between Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and CBS anchor Katie Couric.

Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Palin: I’ve read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

Couric: What, specifically?

Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.

Couric: Can you name a few?

Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn’t a foreign country, where it’s kind of suggested, “Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?” Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

While the the content of the answer can’t be disputed, how you interpret this answer often depends on your political leanings. Some say she was trapped by a gotcha question because she couldn’t say certain titles without being painted as an extremist. People on the other side of the argument say that her inability to name specific periodicals was far from a calculated decision, but because she simply didn’t know any. Either way I don’t care, but it did make me wonder about how other people gathered their news. If it is anything like my process then we are in deep trouble:

Songs you want played at your funeral.

Hopefully this event will take place later rather than sooner, but in my opinion it is never too early to start planning. Who am I kidding? Anyone who knows me personally knows that planning is pretty much my kryptonite. It saps all of my energy and is an effort in futility when I am the one doing the planning. In any event, some of the songs I want played have been in other lists so I won’t include them in the five, but they are definitely worth noting. “Spiritual” by Johnny Cash (things you want to experience before dying) would be at the top of this list because it just sounds like an appropriate song to play in that circumstance, “Bold as Love” by Jimi Hendrix would be appropriate because it’s my favorite song, and Justin Timberlake’s “Sexyback” (songs I have listened to more than four times in a row) and Soulja Boy’s “Crank That” (guiltiest guilty pleasures) make the list because people need to be dancing and having fun as well. Enough of what’s not on the list, here are the songs that made it:

Reasons I have been neglecting List 5.

And we’re back. Oh how I have missed thee. What happened to me? Well I am glad you asked. Here are my reasons for neglecting my blog.

Lists you’d like to see.

For three months I have been listing things that come to mind and I have more than 100 topics that lie in waiting. Even so, I am interested in knowing what suggestions you have for possible future lists. List them here. If I like it I’ll turn it into a list, and put your list on the front page instead of in the comments (fancy). So List 5 lists you’d like to see.

Works of literature you suggest others burn.

Who knew that you guys loved to read so much? I think it’s very telling that there are people I am friends with through different areas of my life who enjoy reading the same stuff. It’s as if I like hanging out with a certain type. Preposterous. While I will be making my way though those books post haste, there is a flipside to the literary discussion. There are certain books you’ve read that you simply hated and wish you hadn’t. As previously stated, most of my reading is on books where I’m trying to teach myself a marketable skill, plus I rarely finish a book I don’t enjoy. So this will be my first list where I won’t actually have 5 things:

1. “A Tale of Two Cities” by Charles Dickens – This is the most boring book I have ever picked up in my life. Labels on the back of bathroom items provide a more engaging read. Seriously. I have read many a cleaner bottle while in the bathroom with no magazines. There is nothing good I can say about this book other than I did well on the test my freshman year of high school. It’s too drawn out for my tastes.
2. “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens – See reasons above. Maybe it’s because I just don’t care for his writing style. By the way, who is it that determines that a book is a “classic” book? Is there a secret commission that meets every few years? What does a contemporary author have to do in order for their work to be considered a classic? Why am I asking rhetorical questions that I won’t ever know the answer to?

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got, though I am looking forward to seeing what books are listed (especially by my friends who are librarians). Pretty anticlimactic. In lieu of listing 3 additional choices I will say that I accidentally left out a book (series really) that is one of my favorites. “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and the subsequent books by Douglas Adams are British comedy gems that I can’t get enough of. Also, I have decided to give my blog a more personal, whimsical feel by including random musings in my posts since I can. Plus it’s a way to entertain myself when I am forcing myself to write (like today). This new section shall be called Nuggets of Knowledge. Anyhow, list 5 works of literature you suggest others should burn.

NUGGET OF KNOWLEDGE:
My great grandmother gave birth to 19 children. Seriously. That is sheer insanity. There was a set of triplets (that died as infants) and two sets of twins (one set died as infants) but other than that they were all one at a time. That blows my mind.